


Piece it back together

by TheBean170



Series: Grayscale [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Hallucinations, Insanity, Much happier ending, Nightmares, Recovery, Resurrection, lapidot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2019-09-02 23:50:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16797172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBean170/pseuds/TheBean170
Summary: (Formerly Project Black Spire.)Peridot's life is pain without Lapis. Everyday gets harder and harder for her. Constant nightmares and hallucinations plague her every moment. Her hand is a constant reminder that she failed her.She shattered Lapis.But... What if there was a way to change that?A grieving technician will find out how far she's willing to go and how much she's willing to give up to bring back the only one she loves.One can only hope she doesn't lose herself to her endeavors.





	1. Grief

_**Steven POV** _

\--WARP--

I stepped off of the Warp Pad, taking a deep breath of the countryside air. It had been a while since I had been out to the barn. 

I slowly walked towards the Barn, carrying the wicker basket full of supplies in my hand. The barn always looked so lonely, recently.

It had been like that for a month now.

I finally reached the Barn door, before giving it a quick knock. 

"Peridot! It's me, Steven! I brought some stuff for you!" I yelled.

No one responded.

"Peridot? I know you're in there. Can you unlock the Barn door for me?"

I heard some shuffling, and before long the Barn door unlocked.

"Thank you! I'm coming inside!" I said, before opening the door.

The inside of the barn was much dirtier than it was before. Dust had piled up in the corners, junk and scrap metal littered the floor, and it was very dark. The only light entering the Barn was from the open door.

I stepped inside, moving some stuff out of my way or that I could trip on. I already knew Peridot wouldn't be on the bottom floor.

I finally made my way to the ladder leading to the second floor loft. I climbed up, being extra careful not to drop my basket. 

When I got to the top, I noticed that the TV was still turned on since last time I visited. It was still tuned to static, and the white noise filled the air. The couch placed in front of it was still dusty, and those new Limb Thingys Peridot made were propped up against them.

Like they had been for a month now.

I slowly walked over towards the couch, already knowing who I would find sitting on it.

Peridot.

She sat on the couch in the middle, completely still. She stared blankly at the TV, her expression was empty. She had dried tear marks on her cheeks, and her eyes were half-lidded. She was still pretty dirty. Her uniform (Which was still different than her Crystal Gem one) was ripped in a lot of different places, her visor was cracked, and her hand was still...

Bandaged.

The loft was also kind of a mess. There were papers filled with messy drawings and writing all over the couch. There was a blanket on the floor, one I had brought from one of my last visits. Used up pencils and erasers were scattered, and her tablet sat near the TV, powered off and cracked. And the shoebox, overflowing with images, sat close by the couch, untouched.

I sat on the couch next to her, placing the Basket in my lap.

"Hey, Peridot. I... I brought you some more stuff I thought you might like." I said, opening up the basket. 

She scooted over a little, making a little more room for me to be comfortable. 

"I brought some more paper and some pencils. I saw you started to run out of them, so I brought some more." I said, taking them out and placing them beside her.

Peridot seemed to react, moving her right hand to gloss over the art supplies.

I let out a small smile before reaching back into the basket again. "I also brought you one of my t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I figured that uniform might be a little uncomfortable, so you can change out of it if you like." 

I placed the clothes on the ground in front of her feet. Peridot's eyes darted downwards, before going back up to the TV screen.

"I also brought some more 'Camp Pining Hearts' tapes for the TV, another portable charger for your battery, and a book that Connie brought me when the Gems were keeping me in bed! I thought it was too scary, but you might like it." I said, setting down each item at on the floor carefully.

There were still four items left in the wicker basket, three of which I was not happy about pulling out.

Might as well get it over with.

I pulled out a bottle of medical disinfectant, a towel and some clean bandages. Peridot's were long overdue for a change.

"Peridot... Can I see your left hand, please?" I asked.

A few moments passed before Peridot finally responded, angling her body towards me and held out her left hand. I grabbed it softly and carefully unwrapped her hand. The bandages were covered in grime and green liquid. 

I took a careful look at Peridot's damaged hand. The stiches that Connie helped sew seemed to be holding together well enough, but the cut still seemed extremely painful, and it didn't seem to be healing.

Every time I looked at Peridot's hand, I felt some sort of mix between pain and fear. It still scared me that there was something out there that could hurt Gems like this. That could hurt my friends and family like this.

Peridot still wouldn't tell us where the knife that caused this was.

We were all afraid of the reason why.

I took the bottle of disinfectant and held it close to the wound.

"Now, I know you know this is going to hurt, so I'll try to be as quick as possible." I reassured.

Peridot seemed to squirm where she was sitting, and her eyes seemed more worried.

"I know you don't like it, but we still don't know if your hand can get infected like a human wound can. Better safe than sorry."

I took a deep breath and started to pour a little of the disinfectant on the wound. Peridot gripped her leg with her other hand and a small whimper escaped from her mouth. 

I quickly took the towel and dried off the wound, trying not to hurt Peridot any more than I already did. I then took the clean bandages and wrapped them around her hand like Pearl had taught me. Tightly, but not painfully.

"There, all done. Thank you for letting me do that." I told her, letting go of her hand. She slowly brought it back to her side again, and turned back to face the TV.

I looked back into the basket. There was still one more thing I wanted to give her.

"I... I found another photo... I brought it so you could add it to the collection." I said, pulling out the small, folded image.

Peridot's eyes seemed to widen slightly at that statement, and it sounded like her 'breath' hitched in her throat.

"Me and Amethyst found it when we were cleaning up the temple. It's a picture of... you guys. At Funland. Remember, you said you wanted to take Lapis 'somewhere fun' to show her more of Earth!" I said, remembering the happier times.

I finally unfolded the paper and held it up for Peridot to see.

It was a picture of Lapis and Peridot, standing close together and practically hugging each other, the entrance to the fairgrounds behind them. Peridot had the biggest grin on her face, and her eyes had stars in them. Lapis had small smile on her face (and the trace of a blush) while she was holding a small stuffed dolphin Peridot had 'won' for her. They looked so happy together.

It was a better time back then. Back when Peridot was so energetic. Back when the Crystal Gems weren't so scared.

Back when Lapis was around. 

I carefully placed the photo on Peridot's lap, grabbed the basket, and started to get up. I knew she wasn't going to do much else until I left. She wanted to be left alone.

As I made my way towards the ladder, I heard some shifting and some very light footsteps. I turned around to see that Peridot had gotten up from her spot on the couch and had started walking towards me. She had the photo I gave held tightly in her hand, and her head was pointed to the ground. 

"Peridot?"

She slowly moved her head up from the floor. Her face showed real pain and grief, her entire body was shaking, and her eyes were filled with a fresh set of tears.

She quickly pulled me into a hug, sobbing heavily into my shoulder. I quickly hugged her also, rubbing her back and trying to calm her down.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's okay..." I whispered.

"I miss her so much, Steven..." She said, her voice soft and weak.

"It's okay, I'm right here. It's okay to cry..."

Peridot clutched my shirt, sobbing even harder into my shoulder. I let her stay like that for as much as possible.

But eventually, it started to get late. Pearl would be worried, and I needed to get back to the Temple. Peridot eventually stopped crying, but she was still hugging me. 

"Peridot, it's getting late. I have to get back to the Temple. The others are going to get worried." I said.

Peridot slowly began to let go, and I could see sadness in her eyes.

"You know you can always come back with me. I can set you up in the bathroom, or somewhere else in the temple." I suggested.

She shook her head.

"They aren't angry at you, you know. If anything, they're worried about you. WE'RE worried about you. It's not healthy to stay here alone." 

"I can't. I still... I'm still angry, Steven. At them, at myself. I hope you can understand that." Peridot said softly.

I gave a quick nod of the head. Even if I didn't want my friends fighting each other, I also knew that Peridot was feeling so many things I hoped I would never have to feel.

"Okay. It was nice seeing you again, Peridot. I hope... I hope you feel better." I said.

"Peridot gave a small smile before speaking up. "It was nice seeing you too, Steven. Th... Thank you for the image."

She turned around and walked back to the couch, grabbing the blanket from the floor and wrapping herself in it.

"Why don't you sleep on the mattress? Isn't that more comfortable?" I asked. 

Peridot turned her head slightly to face me.

"Because Lapis sleeps there."

I gave an understanding nod before making my way back down the ladder towards the Barn exit.

I left the building, closing the door behind me, and heading towards the Warp Pad. Nighttime had already taken over the sky.

But as I hopped on the Pad, I swore I heard soft sobs coming from the Barn.


	2. Talking with myself

_**Peridot POV**_  
  
I laid on the couch, tears still leaking from my eyes. My entire body was shaking, and I just kept sobbing into the blanket. It was the only thing I ever did, recently: cried and cried until I physically couldn't anymore.  
  
I felt so alone, so depressed. My left hand forbid me from doing practically anything productive, as anytime I moved it burning pain shot through my entire form. I had no choice but to sit around the barn, doing anything I could to cope.

Everyday felt harder and harder. It felt like I had lost part of myself that day. I was empty. I needed a distraction...

I made my way off the couch and downstairs to the lower floor of the Barn. I walked over to a particular pile of junk and metal in the left corner of the Barn, digging through it for a while to find the spot on the floor I had carved out. I took out the small box hidden away in the whole and opened it.

From the opening, a soft blue glow encompassed the entire room. I stared at the weapon I had kept from the Crystal Gems for a while. Not making a movement to retrieve the weapon, just... staring.

"Come on, just one more day..." I said,

I finally took my eyes off the weapon and pulled out what I was actually looking for.

I reached inside the box and pulled out the metal cylinder at contained that cursed eye. I hadn't figured out a way to destroy it, not even the Holo-knife could do any damage to it. So, I developed a small containment unit to keep it from infecting anyone else, back when I still had some sort of motivation.

Even if it was from grief.

"I hope this form hurts you, I really do. Then you'll know a FRACTION of the pain you caused her... have caused us. I will find a way to get rid of you for good, that's my promise to you, **Pipsqueak.** " I said, gritting my teeth.

It was pretty common for me to just taunt the creature at this point. It was the only way I could vent. I felt so... powerless to do anything. Like even from inside the capsule, I could still hear it taunting me. 

Mocking me. 

I put the items in question back in the secret compartment and started to make my way back to the couch. But as I walked back to the couch, I heard someone speak up from behind me.

_"You should've given them the knife. Lapis wouldn't have liked you having so dangerous so close while you're like this."_

I slowly turned around, letting out an exasperated sigh as I faced the imitation.

"Ma... Maybe you're right. But... Some part of me feels the need to keep it nearby." I said softly.

The hallucination slowly got up from the wall it was leaning against and walked towards me. It's blue dress swaying back and forth in the draft of the Barn.

 _"You need to talk to Steven more, if you're seeing me again."_ It said, imitating her voice all so well. _"I can try and go if you wan-"_

"Nono, it's fine! Honestly... I missed you. Even if you aren't really her... you're a close approximation." I responded.

I could feel more tears starting to form in the corners of my eyes.

The hallucination finally got close to me before opening its arms out.

 _"Come give me a hug. You always felt better when Lapis gave you a hug."_ It said.

I took its advice and wrapped my arms around its waist, burying my face in its stomach. I finally let the tears that had built up in my eyes pour out, and I wailed. I hugged even tighter.

"Comfort me." I whispered

 _"Oh, Peridot..."_ it said.

"Please, can you... Can you humor me? Just... just comfort me like she used to." I said between sobs.

The hallucination shifted a little bit, before placing its hand on top of my hair and stroked it.

 _"I-It's okay, Peridot. I'm here, you're okay. My sweet little Peridot, I'm here with you. I'm not leaving your side anytime soon, don't worry."_ It said in her soothing voice.

I cried even harder. "It's not helping... Nothing ever helps..."

 _"Do you want me to keep going?"_ It asked.

"...Please."

The hallucination slowly led me up to the second floor, before gesturing me to lay down on the couch and cover myself with the blanket. I followed it's instructions and made myself comfortable.

The hallucination knelt down beside me and went back to petting my hair. It then started to sing in Lapis' amazing voice.

"Lapis... Please don't leave, okay? Just... please be here tomorrow."

_"Peridot... Please, don't call me her name. I know I look like her, but please... it's not healthy. Those medical reports said so, remember?"_

I let out a breathy laugh. "Even when I'm hallucinating, I'm still analytical, aren't I?"

 _"Of course you are, Peri. You're the smartest gem on this planet. Lapis loved that about you. That's what makes you so special."_ It said.

"You'll be here though... right?"

_"I'll try. You're state of mind is such an unpredictable thing. But... If I'm there, we can do some stuff together, okay?"_

"Can we make Meep-morps?"

The hallucination giggled.

_"Yes, we can make Meep-morps if you are feeling up to it."_

"I'm tired... Can you keep singing, please?"

The hallucination nodded and went back to singing. I tried to keep my eyes awake, but it was becoming extremely difficult.

"Lapis, I don't want to go to sleep again. I'm scared." I whimpered.

_"Peridot, please. It's not healt-"_

"I'm so scared..."

I could see something twinge in its eyes, and a somber expression overtook its face.

 _"P-Peri, I'll... I'll be right here. Don't worry. Do you want me to hold your hand?"_ It asked.

I nodded and stuck my hand out from under the blanket. The hallucination reached over and grabbed it, holding it softly.

"You sound so much like her..." I said, half asleep.

_"Shh, just sleep. You need the rest..."_

"I love you, Lapis..."

_"I... I love you too, Peri."_

Those were the last words I heard before slipping off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peridot is so broken that even her hallucinations are aware they are hallucinations.
> 
> Poor child isn't even allowed to cope.
> 
> :(


	3. Dreams

_**Steven POV**_  
  
\--WARP--  
  
I arrived in the temple, stepping off the Warp Pad and setting the basket off to the side.   
  
I walked towards the kitchen, kicking my sandals off and opening the fridge and grabbing a few pieces of bread, Turkey slices, lettuce, and a carton of Orange Juice. I turned around and placed the items on the counter before pulling out a plate, a knife, and a glass.  
  
I hadn't eaten almost anything except for breakfast today, and I was starving.  
  
After preparing and eating my nighttime snack, I put away the foodstuff in the fridge before changing into some pajamas and getting into bed. When I finally laid down, I heard the front door open.  
  
I sat up in my bed to see who had entered. It was Pearl, followed by Garnet and Amethyst.   
  
"Hey, guys. Did you finish your mission?" I asked, a little groggy from lack of sleep.  
  
Pearl quickly looked up to the top level of the beach house. "Steven? What are you still doing up, it's very late!" She said, a little surprised.  
  
"I just got back from... from visiting Peridot." I said, sadly.  
  
That changed everyone's tune. All the Crystal Gems seemed to sadden at that statement, and Garnet quickly made her way past the others, through the Temple doors, and into her room. The doors shut with a hard slam.  
  
"Jeez, I don't think I've ever seen Garnet this stressed." Amethyst commented.  
  
"She's not the only one. We all are." Pearl replied. "How is she doing, Steven? Did you help change her bandages for her?"   
  
"Yeah, they're clean now. She's... She doesn't seem any better. She did talk to me today, though, so I guess that's progress." I said.  
  
"Man, I can't imagine what she's going through right now..." Said Amethyst.   
  
"I can. " Said Pearl, her eyes filled with guilt and memories.  
  
We all stayed silent for a couple minutes.  
  
"Steven, please go to bed now. We can talk more in the morning. Goodnight." Said Pearl before retreating to her room.  
  
"Goodnight, Pearl." I gave a small yawn before laying back down on my bed.  
  
Amethyst quickly jogged up the stairs and gave me a quick hug. "Goodnight Steven." She said softly.  
  
"Goodnight, Amethyst." I whispered, hugging her back.   
  
She walked back down the stairs before going into her room. I laid back down on my bed, letting sleep overtake me.  
  
"Goodnight, Peridot."  
  
_**Peridot POV**_  
  
_I slowly woke up, getting up from the mattress and doing a small stretch. I rubbed my eyes, which were still sore from crying, and let out a small yawn._  
  
_In all honesty, I didn't want to wake up this morning. Or any morning. Everyday was pain, slowly trudging around the Barn, no motivation to do anything. I tried moving the fingers on my left hand, but all I felt was burning pain and aching. I let out small hiss before giving up on moving the limb._  
  
_"I... I can't. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't wanna be alone, in this barn, too damaged to do anything. I... I want you back, Lapis..." I said in a small whisper, tears already forming in my eyes._  
  
_"What the heck are you taking about, Peri?"_  
  
_I quickly spun around, looking for whoever said that, in such a familiar voice._  
  
_No... It can't be._  
  
_There, laying on the mattress I had just been sleeping on, was Lapis Lazuli._  
  
_"L-Lapis?!?" I said, wondering how I was seeing her._  
  
_Lapis let out a small yawn before rising up from the mattress and walking towards me. "The one and only. Why are you crying? Did you have a nightmare?" She asked._  
  
_I rushed towards her as fast as I could, practically tackling her as I hugged her._  
  
_"LAPIS!!! Y-YOU'RE OKAY!!! OH MY STARS, I THOUGHT YOU WERE... I... I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!" I yelled, sobbing into her chest._  
  
_Lapis soon returned the hug. "I missed you too, I guess? Are you okay? You're really worrying me with how you're acting." She said calmly._  
  
_I let out a breathy laugh between sobs. "It doesn't matter how I'm feeling, you're okay! You're here, with me in the Barn, not shattered. You didn't leave me..."_  
  
_"Of course I wouldn't leave you, Peri. I love you." Lapis said softly._  
  
_A smile spread across my face as more tears poured out my eyes. I shut them and simply enjoyed the moment. It all had been a bad dream, a horrible dream. Lapis was here, safe and unharmed. We could be happy again._  
  
_Lapis soon hugged a little harder. She also started letting small sounds come out of her mouth. They sounded like... laughs?_  
  
_Lapis tightened her embrace again, soon ensnaring me almost painfully in her arms. "Ow, Lapis. You're kind of hurting me." I said, trying to wiggle out of the grip._  
  
_Suddenly, Lapis lifted me up and slammed me into the barn floor. I yelled in agony and tried to get back up, but before I could, Lapis slammed her foot painfully on my chest._  
  
_"L-Lapis? What are you doing? Please stop, you're hurting me!" I pleaded._  
  
_Lapis loomed over me, her hair covering her eyes and her mouth stretched into a terrifying smile. The laughs still leaked from her mouth._  
  
_"You couldn't save me, Pipsqueak. It's your fault I'm dead. Did you hear me? IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!" Lapis screamed, her voice sounding twisted and wrong._  
  
_Soon she reached down, and grabbed hold of my Gem with one hand, pulling with a little force. My hands shot up to try and stop her, but she held both of them down with her other free hand._  
  
_"Don't try and struggle. I'm just trying to return the favor." Lapis said, leaning down towards me so I could finally get a glance at her eyes._  
  
_The were completely pitch black, like holes with no end. I felt like I was losing part of myself when I looked into them._  
  
_Lapis kept pulling and pulling, the pressure becoming completely unbearable. One more pull, and she would pull the Gem right out of my form._  
  
_"Please..." I pleaded._  
  
_"Goodbye Peridot." Lapis said, still laughing._  
  
**_*POOF*_**  
  
I woke up from where I was sleeping on the couch, screaming as loud as my pain would let me. I threw the blanket off of me and fell off the couch, landing on the floor hard. I shot up and looking around, trying to find where Lapis was and if she would still hurt me.  
  
All my eyes found were discarded art supplies and the clothes Steven had left for me, illuminated in the light coming from the TV.  
  
I let out a sigh before relaxing, sitting down on the couch. I rubbed the place where my Gem was with my right hand.  
  
"Another nightmare..." I said to myself.  
  
_"You okay?"_  
  
I turned my head to see that the hallucination had appeared by my side on the couch, looking at me with a worried expression.  
  
"Just another nightmare. Told you I was scared to go back to sleep." I responded with a sniffle.  
  
_"Do you wanna talk about it?"_ It asked.  
  
"It's the same one as always. Lapis being okay, then trying to... to kill me."  
  
_"If you were in the Temple, Steven could help you through those."_  
  
"If I was in the Temple, I'd be living a different kind of nightmare."  
  
I got up from the couch and peered outside from the top of the loft. Nighttime darkness still leaked into the barn.  
  
Sighing, I turned around and grabbed a piece of paper and a new pencil. Time to pass the time.   
  
_"Not going back to sleep?"_ The hallucination asked.  
  
"What's the point? I'll just wake up from another nightmare." I grumbled.  
  
_"Yeah, but Lapis-"_  
  
"Yeah, well Lapis isn't here now, is she?!? All that's here is a broken Gem, a broken home, and a stupid hallucination which only serves as a reminder that I KILLED THE ONE PERSON I LOVED!!!" I shouted, closing my eyes in anger.  
  
I stayed there for a moment before slowly opening my eyes again.  
  
It was gone. The hallucination was gone.  
  
I started to shake. "N-No, wait I didn't mean it. Please come back, I promise I didn't mean! Don't leave me alone here!" I begged to the darkness.  
  
I squeezed my eyes shut again in concentration. "Please come back, please come back, please come back..." I pleaded, feeling tears forming once again.  
  
Yet, when I opened my eyes again, it still wouldn't come back.  
  
I let out a sob as a fresh set of tears fell down my cheek. The paper and pencil I held fell out of my hands as I brought them up to my eyes.  
  
"Please come back. I didn't mean it. Please come back, Lapis..."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may be taking a break from this story for a little while. I'm not quitting it, just going on hiatus. I just feel a bit... burnt out from depressing stuff, you know? I still be writing my other book, though, so don't worry about that one. When I feel more invigorated, I'll continue with this story, so don't worry!


	4. Seeing ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S BACK!!!
> 
> So, if you didn't know, I had this whole drama over on wattpad where I lost interest in this story, but then decided I would keep publishing it for that sake of finishing what I started. You may notice a few changes to the title, tags, and description, but the main story will be the same. Also, chapter 3 got a rework, so go check it out!
> 
> FYI, this book will not be replacing "Starting Anew" as my current passion. The updates will be slow coming and not consistant, but it will be finished. 
> 
> Anyway, if anyone was ever waiting on an update, enjoy!

_** Peridot POV ** _

I had stayed awake the entire night, trying desperately to bring the hallucination back. But, the task proved fruitless. It wouldn't come back.

I resigned myself to drawing for the rest of the night, trying desperately to forget about the nightmare I had. But, it never worked.

It usually never works.

Eventually, I put away the art supplies and got up to stretch slightly. I winced as my hand shot pain through my body, quickly putting a stop to stretching.

"Anything I do to distract myself always leads me back to the same outcome: more pain." I muttered as I looked around the loft.

My eyes fell on the other two items Steven had given me: the extra clothing and the book he gifted me.

I appreciated the gesture, but really didn't have any use for the items. My adamant refusal to wear another star again must not have been communicated clearly to Steven, and I really did not enjoy any earth literature.

I sighed as I made my way down from the loft, making my way towards the barn door.

I rested my hand on it as I took in a shaky breath. How long has it been since I took a step outside? Long enough for me to actually fear opening the door.

"I just... I can't do this. It's all too hard. The nightmares, the hallucinations... I don't know if I can keep going." I muttered to myself.

_Maybe... Maybe I should just..._

No. I can't even humor those thoughts. To do so would be a dangerous game to play.

A very dangerous game.

I felt so empty, so distraught. Like always.

But then, I felt something new.

I felt anger.

"I just... What did I do to deserve this? What did SHE do?! To deserve the suffering and pain she got in the end?! She mended her ways, tried so hard to redeem herself. SHE DID REDEEM HERSELF, WE BOTH DID!! AND NOW SHE'S SHATTERED!" I screamed, slamming my unwounded hand into the door.

The amount of rage bubbling up inside me was intense. It felt like I wanted... no, NEEDED to tear something apart, to break everything down around me.

I need a distraction, a real distraction. Something for me to take all this despair and anger out on.

I need to go back to the Kindergarten.

I needed a way to express this need to destroy.

I shove open the doors with both my shoulder and unharmed hand and stomped off toward the Warp Pad, the sun not even up.

I concentrated hard, and I was off.

\--WARP--

I stepped off the pad and walked into the desolate place, my injured hand held closer to my chest as to make sure that the wounds were not aggravated more.

All I needed to find was that gem-forsaken lab. Something I could take my anger of this situation out.

I stomped through the desolate canyons, passing by both the Homeworld made holes and the... _Artificially_ made ones.

I could feel the mineral laden winds stinging at the hand wound, but I kept trudging on, looking around for the oh so familiar and hated hole in the ground. Yet, when I finally got to it, I realized a problem.

I had no way to get down safely.

"Never mind, I can just use my powers..." I grumbled as I held out my free hand, slightly clenched in concentration, to pull a piece of any sort of metal from the lab to use.

Nothing moved from inside the lab, although a few small metal scraps moved slightly.

It was to be expected, as I hadn't used my powers in quite a long while. I tried to levitate any sort of metal from inside the lab.

Again, no movement.

Now I started to feel the anger rising yet again. I could feel my powers bubbling just below the surface, yet I couldn't force it to come out, to feel empowered.

I felt powerless.

_I felt useless._

_Just like I was powerless to stop-_

_"AURGH! CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF HOMEWORLD TRASH?!"_ I insulted myself as I squeezed my eyes shut, both hands clenching into fists. This only made me scream louder as the searing pain coursed through me yet again.

And then, something unexpected happened.

The ground trembled and shook as I opened my eyes in shock. The shaking seemed to be spreading from a focal point. It seemed to be coming from...

The hole?

Suddenly, a large metal container burst up from the ground, exposing a large part of the underground lab and throwing me back on my back.

The actual entrance of the lab was now exposed, covered in dirt and chunks of metal missing from the hull. It was slanted out, so it would be quite difficult to exit once I entered.

But I came here for a reason. And I intend to follow through.

"Good residence. Now that my powers have returned, maybe I'll finally put in end to this structure." I said, getting up from the ground and walking towards the slanted entrance.

The throbbing and searing pain in my hand was covered up by the new drive and will to express this anger.

I slipped into the exposed entrance and slid into the underground lab.

It was just as I had remembered it. Ruined technology, broken electronics, and ripped papers were scattered around the place. Ripped metal plating with exposed wire lined the walls, and I could already see that _horrible_ skeleton in distance. Even gazing at this place brought back so many awful feelings I had tried to stuff down. 

"This place has caused me so much pain, it caused HER so much pain..." I growled as I bent over to pick up a bunch of ruined technology. 

"Do you hear that? HUH?! YOU TOOK AWAY MY LAZULI!!" I yelled as I threw the technology at the wall with as much force as I could muster. I watched with sick enjoyment as they shattered against the wall into tiny little pieces.

I could feel the anger being satisfied. Bit by bit.

_I needed more._

"THIS IS FOR ALL THE HALLUCINATIONS YOU GAVE HER!!" I kicked a bunch of scattered papers into the air.

"THIS IS FOR THE PAIN YOU INFUSED INTO HER FORM!!" I ran my hands across a nearby table, scattering the machines and notes all around the room.

"THIS IS FOR BREAKING APART HER LIFE!!" I slammed my foot into machines on the floor, shattering many of them and breaking them into bits and pieces.

"And this..."  
  
I marched over to the nearby skeleton, picking up the caved in skull and raising it above my head in preparation to throw it, ignoring everything else in my body besides the anger that infected every part of my form.

"THIS IS FOR MAKING ME SHATTER THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO M-"

_**"Off to desecrate another body, pipsqueak?"** _

I immediately felt my body freeze up. Everything felt so much colder as all the anger quickly turned to dread. The skull fell out of my hands as it tumbled to the ground.

 _ **"Geeze, what's the matter with you, twerp? Something really must've pissed you off this time."**_ I heard that voice call out again.

I slowly turned around to face the familiar yet dreaded computer sitting atop the central desk, the machine casting a new eerie glow into the room. A face with messy black hair, contorted into a smile with deep black pits for eyes started out of the screen.

"N-No, that can't be true... You're supposed to b-be..." I stuttered, wide eyed and stepping back slightly.

**_"Aww, that look on your face... You looked like you've seen a ghost!"_ **

The eerie glow... it was the color gray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank's for sticking with the story. Things will start to pick up again.
> 
> Also, keep in mind the gray eye is very much still in containment. And our smol gremlin is not in the best state of mind.
> 
> In any case, I can't wait to write my favorite gray-scale baddie.


	5. Gray Glow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't see my notes in my newest story, updates for this book will be every other week until i finish my other short story and then back to every week.

**_ Peridot POV _ **

I slowly backed away from the computer screen, everything feeling so much colder. The skull in my hands fell to the ground.

“H-How… You're supposed to be-”

 ** _“Gone? Dead? Kicked the bucket? C’mon, Pipsqueak, spit it out!”_** The computer screen commanded.

I could feel the dread and fear in my system, squirming around and making my head spin.

“T-This has got to be some sort of hallucination. Y-You're not real.” I tried to explain away the terrifying sight before me.

 ** _“Hallucination? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm dead and you're seeing a ghost. Who knows, science is crazy like that.”_** The machine taunted.

“P-Please, stop. Go away…”

**_“Anyways, what've you been up to? Seems to me you haven't changed your Crystal Gem ways: You keep breaking all my shit.”_ **

“S-Shut up. I'm no Crystal Gem.” I growled, walking closer towards the screen.

 ** _“Yes, yes, our little encounter at the Galaxy Warp definitely proved that. Anyways, why are you back here, hmmm? I thought you'd want to stay as far away from here as possible. Wait, are you back here to rob me again?”_** The face in the computer said with a sarcastic tone.

“I didn't rob you…”

**_“Right, cause that knife you have under the barn floorboards totally isn't mine. Lying doesn't seem like your strong suit, twerp.”_ **

Anger now began to accompany the fear in my system. I tried to clench my fists but squealed in pain as my wounded hand seared.

The face smirked at that. **_“Hey, seems like that blade finally got that test run after all. Your hand looks positively disgusting. Props.”_** It taunted.

“This is all your fau-”

 ** _“Don't even finish that sentence. You and I both know whose fault this whole experience was. And you used to work with them.”_** The computer said, the face's smirk quickly disappearing.

“I…” Even though I tried to argue against it, the still tender emotions in my mind fought against reason. I still wanted to believe the Crystal Gems were at fault.

 ** _“Yeah, can't say anything to that, can you? Eh, whatever. Lapis shards under the bridge now.”_** It said, its sinister grin returning with a few chuckles.

I felt the sadness join my horrible concoction of emotions at the mention, followed by even more rage. I ran towards the computer and grabbed the screen, grunting in pain from my hand as I lifted it up.

“Don't you EVER talk about her! You forced her through so much pain!” I screamed.

**_“Oh, did I strike a nerve? Figures. I'd expect at least a bit of remorse from the person who killed her.”_ **

I screamed before letting the computer drop to the floor, the machine hitting it with a metallic thunk.

“SHUT UP! EVERYTHING I'M GOING THROUGH, EVERYTHING BAD THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME RECENTLY, THAT'S ALL YOU!” I shouted while kicking the screen across the floor, hitting the wall with it.

**_“Yep. Typical Crystal Gem attitude. Get real angry and blame it on someone else. You know, for a murderer, I'd would've thought you'd have some semblance of perspective over yourself. Oh well, monsters never d-”_ **

“AURGH!” I yelled while bringing down a piece of piping I had grabbed on the box repeatedly, not stopping until it was broken into pieces and silent.

I let the piece fall to the floor once it was quiet again, then proceeding to hiss in pain at the amount of exertion I had placed on my wound.

“Stay silent this time…” I said to the broken screen in front of me.

 ** _“Mmm, nah. That's no fun.”_** I heard from behind me.

I quickly spun around to see who had talked, gasping upon seeing it. My body started shaking as I took a few steps back.

Standing before me was the scientist, that… creature, dressed in a torn and dirty white lab coat. His skin showed patches of gray discoloration that seemed to flake away, while his eyes were pitch black holes.

**_“Heh, surprised to see me? I know, it's awe inspiring.”_ **

“N-No! You're not r-real!” I sputtered, my back hitting the wall from backing away.

 ** _“Face the facts, Pipsqueak. What’s happening, what happened to Lapis, it's no one else's fault but your own.”_** The figure said, his mouth contorting into a grin.

“That's not t-”

The figure rushed towards me, wrapping his hand around my neck and lifting me up into the air. I screamed while desperately trying to break out of his painful grip.

 ** _“Stop. Lying. To. Yourself! You might as well have placed the knife to her gem with how culpable you are!”_** He said while cackling.

“P-P-Please! Let me go!” I screamed, my fist hitting his arm with no effect. The pressure he was putting on my form almost felt like I was going to poof.

 ** _“Say it! Scream it at the top of your lungs, ‘I killed Lapis Lazuli!’”_** The figure demanded. **_“Do it! Do it and I'll let you go! Say it was your fau-”_**

“It was!” I screamed, my shoulders shaking as tears now flowed down my face. “I couldn't save her and that's my fault, I know that! Please, just let me go!”

The hand released me and let me fall to the floor. I panted, pawing at my neck with my unwounded hand. The figure chuckled above me.

 ** _“Do you see all this?”_** It gestured to the broken lab. **_“This is the result of the pain the Crystal Gems caused to me. I would've thought you would be different. Seems to me the cycle remains unbroken.”_**

His leg pulled back before kicking me in the lower chest region, causing me to groan and slump over.

**_“Stay down, Peridot.”_ **

I whimpered before pulling my knees towards my chest, tucking my head in and sobbing hard into them.

My eyes were screwed shut tightly. I couldn't bear to face the figure in front of me. I couldn't tell at this point if it was real or another hallucination, but I could care less.

He was right. I knew it, but I didn't want to acknowledge that.

I just… wanted her back.

That's all I wanted.

I felt consciousness slip from me as I passed out from fear and pain.

-(¤)-

_“Hey, are you okay?”_

My eyes slowly fluttered open, groaning in slight pain as I felt my form aching. K tried to readjust my eyes as the figure in front of me come into focus.

It was her.

“L… Lapis?” I asked groggily.

 _“Not exactly. Let me help you up.”_ It said, holding its hand out. I reached forward and grabbed it, letting myself be gently pulled to my feet.

I slowly regained my bearings, finally realizing what it meant by ‘not exactly.’

“Thank you…” I muttered, dusting myself off with my unwounded hand.

 _“You didn't answer my question. Are you okay?”_ It asked again.

“I…”

I glanced around the room, surveying the amount of destruction I had left. My eyes finally fell on the broken computer monitor, the pipe still lying next to it.

“I don't know. Everything's f-fuzzy and… My body hurts.” I groaned.

 _“Okay, let's, um…”_ The hallucination looked around the room for something before spotting her target. _“Here, sit down on the chair.”_

It lead me over to the chair where I first found the human skeleton in this place. I sat down on it, trying to calm myself in response to… well, everything.

 _“What happened? Why were you curled up on the floor?”_ The hallucination asked.

“I… I saw him. Gray, that creature. He was… He was taunting me.” I explained.

 _“Gray? I… Oh stars, Peridot. I'm so sorry.”_ It muttered, placing a hand on my shoulder while kneeling down in front of me.

“I don't even know if he was real or not. It felt so l-”

 _“No. Peridot, listen to me. He's gone, you contained him yourself. Whatever you saw or heard was not real.”_ The imitation quickly reassured me.

“Even if he wasn't, there was some truth to his words.” I said, trying to avoid meeting its gaze.

_“Let me guess, he said something about it being your fault? Because you know that's not true. For sure.”_

“But-”

 _“Peridot, what happened to Lapis wasn't your fault. There were many things that happened that lead up to that, but you had nothing to do with it.”_ The hallucination said, firmness in its voice.

I gave a defeated shrug of my shoulders. I was too tired to argue at that point.

The imitation let out a sigh before standing back up. _“Let's rest here for a bit before getting you home. You need sle-”_

“I'm sorry. For the things I said to you. I didn't mean it.” I finally said, getting the words I wanted to say out of my mouth.

The hallucination froze up.

“I need you here. I don't care if it is unhealthy, or if you're not the real thing. You're the…” I felt myself getting choked up again. “You're the closest thing I have to her. And I can't lose that too. S-So please don't leave me again. Please d-don't.”

 _“I… can try. I don't know if it'll always work, but I can try.”_ She muttered, pulling me into a hug that I quickly reciprocated.

We stayed there for a while, tears slowly coming to a stop as I cried into its dress.

When I finally felt calm, and pulled away from the hug, rubbing the remaining tears from my eyes.

“Thank you for that. I really needed it.” I said as I got up from the chair.

 _“No problem. Are you feeling better physically?”_ The hallucination asked.

“Yeah, I think so. Can we go home now?”

_“Yeah. Let's get you back to the barn.”_

We slowly made our way towards the exit from the laboratory, ready to leave this place behind. We almost reached the slanted exit when suddenly my foot hit something, causing me to trip and fall forward.

 _“Peri? Are you okay?”_ The imitation asked, quickly turning around after hearing me fall.

“Ugh. Yes, just more bad luck.” I grunted, slowly rising to my feet. “What did I even trip on?”

I turned around to see that my foot had hut a small cardboard box, one which I had never seen in all my journeys into the lab. I had reached forward and picked the box up, resting it on my arm while using my other hand to open it.

Papers. It was filled with a stack of filled out papers.

I pulled a few of the papers out and set the box back down, looking over the papers.

 _“What are those?”_ The hallucination asked, coming up by my side.

“I think… these are research papers. From the human scientist's first project.” I said, looking over the text written.

Yep, these research notes were ones detailing the project on reforming Rose Quartz. The mathematics and semantics of it all was laughable, but respectable in a way. The Crystal Gems had asked an impossible task of the human and he did what he could.

There were a few giant holes in his method, though. If I'm honest, I could probably fix those in a snap. Still wouldn’t have worked, though.

“Heh, it's kinda laughable how improbable the project actually was.” I said to myself.

 _“Huh. Well, whatever the probability is, you should put then back.”_ The imitation said.

I nodded and placed the notes back inside the box, turning back around and making the tough climb up the slanted hill.

When we were finally out of that horrible lab, I took the hallucinations hand and began walking back toward the warp pad.

As we were walking, I thought a little bit more on the whole situation that led up to… to this. I felt like I could never understand what would drive Pearl and the others to seek help from an organic, but…

After all that I’ve lost, I would’ve trusted in anyone who even had the chance to bring Lapis back.

“L… Lapis, do you think that the human scientist could have brought you back? Not Gray, the actual human. Maybe, if I could’ve worked with him, I co-”

The hallucination stopped, turned to face me, and placed its arms on my shoulders and stopping me as well.

 _“Peridot, don’t. You know the_ _exact_ _reason why even Homeworld wouldn’t dare to try and reform a shattered gem. And… even with the help of that scientist, you would only hurt yourself more.”_ It said, with clear determination to stop the train of thought.

“I know, but…” I let out a sigh. “Yeah, you’re right. Let’s just go back to the barn.”

We continued back to the warp pad, not looking back at the laboratory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you are wondering why Gray looks different here, it's because Peridot has never actually 'seen' him. The only input she has is the photo in the lab and his audio logs. Just though I'd point that out.
> 
> Also, I finally did a drawing for Gray! It's his form from Me, Myself, and Him, but I may do a second drawing for his new form here. Drawing can be found at this link: https://thebean170.tumblr.com/post/184566143194/so-finally-decided-to-draw-gray-from-me-myself
> 
> Also, if any of you would like to see drawings of any new forms here (Wounded/Anti CG Peridot, Hallucination Lapis, scenes from the MM&H, etc...) Let me know! I'm trying to be more open about drawing and sharing it.


	6. Gaining hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead. Just horribly unorganized.
> 
> That's probably the reason why I might miss all the Lapidot Week Prompts. I might do some, but they'll def be late. Heart Shaped Riches is still scheduled for this week, though, so don't worry.

**_ Peridot POV _ **

When I finally got back to the barn, the sun was already beginning to rise.

In the few moments it had taken us to walk back to it, a slurry of thoughts had filled my mind, all connected to what had happened back in the lab.

I couldn't shake them. Try as I might.

I shakily opened up the doors, letting myself inside the building as the hallucination followed behind me.

_“I think maybe you should lay down. You're probably tired still.”_ It suggested, climbing up toward the upper loft.

I nodded and slowly climbed back up to join the illusion. I sat back down on the couch and laid on my back, letting my wounded hand lay atop my chest.

I know I should sleep. I know I should try to push away some of these invasive new thoughts.

But I couldn't.

The hallucination walked over and knelt down beside me, giving me a saddened smile while brushing its hand through my hair.

_“Try to get some sleep.”_ It said.

I nodded again and closed my eyes, trying to keep my mind blank. But, it always came back to the same thought.

What if there was a way?

I could never understand why Pearl would ask the human scientist for help before losing… her. Now, I felt myself drawn to the same idea.

Maybe there was a way? Maybe I could bring her back, and I just wasn't trying.

If there was, don't I owe it to Lapis to try? Everything ‘Gray' had said stuck to me like a viscous ooze. I couldn't shake any of these thoughts.

“I c-can't sleep…” I muttered, trying to keep my eyes shut.

_“Just try, Peridot.”_ The illusion begged.

I couldn't take it. I quickly sat back up on the couch, accidentally knocking the hallucination's hand out of the way.

“Lapis, I mean…. Look, I just can't shake my mind from the thought that maybe there's a way to bring the real you back.” I said, removing my visor with my hand.

_“Peri, you know-”_

I shot off from the couch. “Yes, Yes, I know what Homeworld says, but when have they ever been truthful with us? For all they know they could've faked those reports!” I rambled, pacing around the loft.

I was so deep into pacing I didn't see the hallucination move. I only noticed when it placed its hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

_“Peridot… You've seen the reports yourself. Hundreds of methods. Varying degrees of failure. No one can bring a shattered gem back.”_ It spoke from behind me.

“But what if they're lying, or faked the reports?” I said, turning around to face it. “What if the Diamonds are simply hiding the technology from us for when they retrieve Pink Diamond’s shards, or when one of them dies, or when one of them-”

_“Okay Peridot.”_ It said, the tone becoming much more serious. _“What happens if you try a method, hmm? What happens if it ends up like Trial 153? Or Trial 225? You'd really condemn Lapis to that kind of existence?”_

That quickly shut my mouth. I thought for a moment about what would happen if Lapis turned into… into one of the real reasons Homeworld stopped those experiments.

I didn't want to think on that again.

“B-But… It could be different this time. I've learnt so much about certain technologies unique to Earth. What if that's what Homeworld is missing?” I tried to reason.

_“Peridot… You're limited to one hand. You're wounded, physically and mentally. Your work would suffer heavily if you tried.”_

“I could find a way. Repair my limb enhancers. Acquire manual labor from someone non-gemlike. Maybe then I could make progress. Not even try anything, just trying to find out.”

The hallucination sighed. _“Why don't you let this go? You know she'd want you… want you to move on.”_

I inhaled sharply, trying to keep myself from breaking down simply by hearing that.

“I can't move on. I just need to know. I owe it to Lapis, just to try and see if it's possible.”

_“I… I can't support this.”_

“I… I need you to. Please. I can't do this alone, but I need to do this. To at least know if there's a chance.”

Truth be told, I really couldn't shake these thoughts no matter how hard I had tried. I felt…

I felt a drop of hope for once in this miserable existence. I couldn't just let that go.

_“...”_

“Please… Help me with this. We don't don't have to try anything, but at least let me see if there's a chance.”

_“...F-Fine.”_

I stared in slight shock.

“Really?” I asked again.

_“Yes. But under no circumstances are you to actually put any methods into practice. Like you said, it's only to see if it's possible.”_ The hallucination relinquished.

I almost felt like smiling. There was so much hope I felt to the very core of my being that I couldn't shake it. The weight of the whole situation loomed over me, foreshadowing failure. But, I ignored it.

I owed it to Lapis.

“Then we better get started.”

**_ Steven POV _ **

It had been a few days since I last seen Peridot. I finally got some free time away from other holdups, so I packed another care package.

This time, though, I wasn't alone.

Connie insisted that she come with me this time. She said something about ‘wanting to check up on Peridot as well,’ but truth be told I felt like it was something else.

She felt far more overprotective recently. She was constantly worried about my well being, how I was feeling emotionally. Bur, it didn't feel so overbearing so much as… fearful.

After what I had put her through with Stevonnie and the beach, though… I couldn't blame her at all.

We had just stepped off the Warp Pad, making our way toward the barn. Her hand was laced with my as she asked me some questions about Peridot.

“You said her wound isn't healing at all? ” She asked.

“Mmm, not that I can see. It still looks really painful.” I responded with a pitiful tone.

“Are you sure you've been cleaning it properly? Maybe we should give her some medicine, like antibiotics or painkillers.” Connie suggested.

“I talked to Pearl about it, but she said there was no way to constantly maintain a healthy schedule right now, especially with how Peridot is.” I responded.

“And… how are you feeling today? Does your gem hurt at all? What about your mental state? Any numb feelings in limbs? Any-”

“Connie, you asked me this yesterday. I'm fine.” I said with a slight chuckle.

“I know, it's just…”

She took a moment to squeeze my hand before looking at me with a mix of emotions: guilt, pity…

Fear.

“I'm worried. I don't know what I would do if I lost you.” She said in a softer voice.

“But you didn't lose me. I'm still here. Don't worry. We can talk about this later if you want.” I said softly, giving her a sad smile.

She nodded in agreement.

We finally reached the front door of the barn. I expected it to be silent and unmoving like last time, but I thought I heard…

Movement?

I knocked on the door. “Peridot, it's Steven! I brought some more stuff and Connie!” I shouted up.

Surprisingly enough, we actually got a response.

“G-Give me a moment!” A nasally voice shouted from inside the barn.

A series of steps could be heard, followed by the sound of the barn door unlocking. Behind it was Peridot, actually up and about!

“Peridot! You're moving about!” I greeted, pulling her into a hug.

“Uff, thanks Steven. Yes, I am in fact more mobile.” She said, her voice slightly strained.

Okay, maybe hugged her a little too hard.

I pulled back before getting a good look at the state she was in. It seemed there was a bit more life behind her eyes, and her unwounded hand was clutching a pencil. Besides that, though, nothing really had changed.

“Hello, Ms. Peridot.” Connie greeted, stepping forward.

“It's good to see you more active! How, uh… are you feeling?” I asked, treading lightly at the question.

“I've been… busy. Not any better emotionally, but I've been distracted. Speaking of which, I need your help with something.” She said, her grip on her pencil tightening slightly.

I traded a quick glance with Connie and then nodded. “Sure, whatever you need!”

Peridot beckoned us to follow her, which we did, walking into the barn and up to the loft.

When we finally got up there, I let out a little gasp.

Hundred of papers, graphs, and charts were sprawled all across the floor, written in Gem writing that I couldn't understand. Which was odd, because I had never seen Peridot written in Gem writing before.

Yet, besides all that, in the center of the loft, was an open tool box, piles of scrap and wires, and her broken Limb Enhancer, although it looked a lot… smaller. And more hand like.

“W-What is all this, Peridot?” I asked, looking around.

“A… side project. That's not what I need help with, though. Can you two come over here?” Peridot responded, sitting down next to the Limb Enhancer.

We followed suit and sat down. She pulled out a screwdriver and a couple of screws with her unfounded hand and gave them to me.

“I've been trying to modify my broken Limb Enhancer, and I've had success so far, but my… wound… limits me. So I need your help with the finishing touches.” She explained.

“Oh. Okay, what do you need me to do?” I asked.

She pointed to a couple of screws holes near a loose piece of metal. “Just screw those pieces into the hole. Connie, I need you to hold the metal in place so it doesn't slip.” She stated.

Both me and Connie nodded. She placed her hand on the metal and I carefully screwed the piece of in place.

“Okay, now what?” I asked.

She got up quickly and walked over to behind the TV (which also was covered in paper) and grabbed something. Upon coming back, she was holding a weird glowing thing. Probably something Gem-related.

Though… I swear I thought I heard her muttering to herself, her eyes darting off to her side.

“Okay, now we're gonna re-insert this Ionium core into the enhancers. It's a delicate process though, so be careful.” Peridot said, handing the thing to me and sitting down to open up a hatch on the limb enhancers.

“Um, Ms. Peridot, that things isn't… dangerous, is it? Like radioactive?” Connie asked, staring nervously at both the thing and me.

Oddly enough, Peridot's brow furrowed slightly before responding.

“Don't worry, Connie. Unlike _some_ Gems, I'd tell you if it was any sort of danger to you.” She said, her voice slightly bitter.

“O-Oh. Okay, so we just insert it in this hole?” She said.

“Yes, please be gentle.”

I slowly lowered the thing into her Limb Enhancers, Connie helping guide me through it. Once it was place and connected, according to Peridot's instructions, I shut the hatch on it.

Peridot almost looked like she could smile. “I… I think that's it! T-Thank you, the both of you, I-” She had started to say, before suddenly going silent.

Me and Connie both watched as Peridot turned her head to her side, looking slightly up as if… as if somebody were talking to her.

“Um… Peridot?” I asked. “You okay?”

Suddenly, Peridot seemed to snap out of her trance and turned to face us again.

“U-Uh, yes. Yes, I am fine. T-Thank you for your help, that'll be all. You can leave now.” She said, looking down at the Limb Enhancer on the floor.

I faced Connie for a second, giving her a confused look. She shot me one back before I faced Peridot again.

“Um, Peridot… We came because we had some stuff for you. Can we… give you that stuff?” I said.

Her eyes went wide for a second before she faced me completely.

“O-Oh, right. What did you bring?”

I grabbed the nearby wicker basket and got up, walking over to sit by the nearby couch. I motioned Peridot to sit by me, which she did.

“So, uh… We don't have much for you. I got you a few new erasers, but it looks like you'll need more than that so I'll bring more next time.” I said, taking the supplies out and placing them near Peridot.

“I also got you a few more sheets of paper and a pen. I think you should use the pen if you're going to do a lot of writing.” I said, pulling out the last of the supplies.

“T-Thank you.” Peridot said, fiddling with her uniform. I think she knew what was coming next.

“Now… Peridot, I gotta clean your… Your wound.” I said, taking out the supplies I needed.

A small little whimper escaped her mouth as her body started shaking. Connie came up besides her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“It's okay, Ms. Peridot. Steven will be quick.” She said, trying to reassure the green Gem.

“I know, but… I-It hurts.” Peridot muttered.

“I'll try to be quick, okay?” I reassured.

With that, I quickly took the bandaging supplies, unwrapping her hand and taking a look at the wound.

It hadn't healed. It look just as bad as before.

Sighing, I moved to wash her hand and re-bandage it. Whimpers and grunts escaped Peridot as she gripped her uniform harder.

“There… done.” I said, letting go of her hand.

She brought it toward her chest as she quickly got up from the couch. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face us slightly.

“Thank you. I-Is that all?” She asked in a slightly weak voice.

“Y-Yeah. That's all.” I said, gathering the basket and walking next to Connie.

“Then please go. I have a lot of work to do.”

Me and Connie nodded as we made our way down the loft and out of the barn.

The door shut behind us as we walked back towards the nearby Warp Pad.

“She doesn't seem okay alone. Maybe you should move her in with the Crystal Gems.” Connie suggested, holding my hand.

“I've tried to get her to, but she's still… angry. I'm worried about her though. She seems sort of… out of it.” I said, looking down at my feet.

“I'll try to get my mom to come out with us to give her a check up. That hand didn't look too good.”

I nodded in agreement.

We stepped on the Warp Pad, and left for home.

**_ Peridot POV _ **

I looked down at my wounded hand, cursing it internally for the amount of pain that it was producing.

“Stupid, cloddy pain…” I growled before walking over to the modified Limb Enhancer.

_“Are you… okay?”_ The hallucination asked, walking close to me.

“I'm. Fine. We need to get back to work. We haven't made any true breakthroughs so far.” I said, picking up the machine and slipping it around my wounded hand and arm.

_“Is it going to work?”_

I pressed a button on the side of the Enhancer, and it suddenly shot to life. The finger moved into form as I concentrated on moving them. Thankfully, I hadn't lost the skill as they responded dutifully to me.

The Limb Enhancer was much smaller now, using much less defensive digits and suited so I could use it without my other Enhancers.

And, the most important benefit, my hand was protected, and I finally had full functionality.

“Much better. Now we can refocus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pacing is definitely wonky in this, but that's because of re-edits. Consider this a filler chapter of sorts. Like I said, the story'll definitely be shorter, but the main ideas will still be the same.
> 
> By the by, there may be a new 'project' coming in the near future. Be on the lookout...


	7. The Data Core

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM ALIVE!!!!!!
> 
> I know I sorta disappeared for a while (Well, unless you follow my tumblr, which has had a few art updates and text posts) but I needed to take a few moments to reassess myself, my writing style, and what ideas I wanted to pursue in the future. I'm sorry for not being around, but I'm back now and here to stay for the most part!
> 
> Piece it back together will receive more consistent updates, I will be finishing up my two multi-chapter one shots, and if you head over to my tumblr I will have updates on my next big project! Thank you for waiting for me and sticking by my side. 
> 
> I'm back now, and here to stay
> 
> My tumblr: http://thebean170.tumblr.com/

**_ Peridot POV _ **

It had been a few days since I started researching the possibility to bring Lapis back. Progress was steady for the most part, and the imitation kept me company during the many silent nights in the barn.

I had even repaired the rest of my Limb Enhancers in order to better serve me, making them less combat oriented and far more scientifically tailored, almost resembling my normal limbs rather than actual Homeworld Limb Enhancers.

However, after those few days passed, and many pages of paper used, I ran into a problem.

And it was an early morning when I finally reached my limit.

“Argh! These simulations are.. ARGH!” I yelled, throwing a bunch of papers out of my hand.

I was kneeling on the floor of the loft of the barn, running a series of simulations using my limb enhancers based on the values and outcomes I had reached in my notes.

 _“Hey, what’s going on?”_ The hallucination said, coming up behind me.

“Nothing, it… ugh, I just keep running into a repeating problem due to lack of data. I can’t run the simulation of the project to its completion, it keeps halting halfway through.” I grumbled, shutting off the screen projection that came from my hand.

_“Oh. Is there any way you can fix that?”_

“Not from here, no. These new Limb Enhancers need a data core in order to complete the kind of operations I’m requesting.”

_“What’s a data core?”_

“You’re in my head, you should know.”

_“If Lapis didn’t know, I don’t think I’ll know either.”_   
  


I hummed in understanding before standing up from where I was sitting and walking over to the hallucination.

“Well, a data core is a sort of cartridge that comes standard with many pieces of Homeworld tech, such as my old Limb Enhancers. They allow for the more complex equations and programs to run on that tech, so if I can’t find one then I can’t complete my simulations.” I explained.

 _“Hmm, I see. Is there any way for us to find a replacement data core?”_ It asked.

“Actually, there might be.” I turned on another projection on my Limb Enhancers, pulling up a list of all known Homeworld sites on Earth. “Let’s see… The only places that could possibly have a data core is the Prime Kindergarten and the Moon Base.”

_“What about the Beta Kindergarten?”_

“No chance. That place was centralized primarily on producing soldiers, and as such it won’t have a research station like the Prime Kindergarten… And I’m just realizing that neither of the places will have a data core either.” I said with a groan.

_“Wait, why not? I remember the Moon base being smashed up, but wouldn’t the Prime Kindergarten still have a data core?”_

“No. I basically fried out the core completely when I rewired the building to show Steven the old Cluster experiments. That core won’t be of any use.”

_“So… are we out of luck?”_

I tried to think of any other possible solution when something hit me. I looked down at my Limb Enhancers before rushing over to find my tablet.

 _“Uh, Peridot? Did you think of something?”_ The hallucination asked.

“As a matter of fact, I did. I just need to call… somebody.”

I looked through some of the apps on my tablet before finding the caller icon. I clicked on it and searched for Steven’s name. The tablet rang as the call tried to connect, before an image appeared on the screen in front of me.

“Oh, hey Peridot! What’s up?” Steven said, offering me a small smile.

“Steven, I got a question I need to ask you, about prior memories.” I informed him.

“Oh, okay! Just gimmie a sec to move somewhere real quick.”

The image on the screen blurred for a sec as Steven moved on the screen. Eventually, the image refocused as Steven had moved to his couch.

“Okay, what’s your question?” He asked.

“Well, do you remember a long time ago when we first encountered each other? And then near the end of those encounters the Crystal Gems poofed and bubbled me?”

“Uh, yeah?”  
  


“Well, you said you had ‘thrown away’ my old Limb Enhancers from Homeworld, if memory serves me correctly. Do you know where you disposed of them?” I asked, hoping he’d know the answer.

“Oh yeah, I remember! We dropped them into the ocean by the… by, uh…” Steven stopped speaking as his faced sort of paled.

“By the where? What’s wrong, Steven?”

“Nothing, it… We dropped them by the G-Galaxy Warp we poofed you at.”

I felt my form chill as I heard the name of the location.

“T-The Galaxy Warp? Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Why’re you looking for those Enhancers, Peridot?”

“D-Don’t worry about it. Thank you, Steven.”

I quickly hung up the call and dropped the tablet on the floor.

 _“The Galaxy Warp?! No, forget it Peridot. I’m not letting you go there to get some weird piece of tech. I’m not gonna watch you break apart again.”_ The hallucination quickly exclaimed.

“It’s not like we have much of a c-choice. I need that data core if we want to continue the research.” I said, hovering down from the loft and making my way slowly towards the front door.

_“No, Peridot! I won’t let you hurt your mental state anymore than its already been hurt. You’re not going!”_

I placed a hand on the front door of the barn, not actually making the effort to open it.

“I’d much rather have you with me there but… I can’t let you stop me, Lapis.” I said, before committing fully and pushing open the barn doors. I walked over to the Warp Pad and readied myself for travel.

_“...If I see you start to break down, I’m getting you out of there. Any way I can.”_

“So be it.”

\--WARP--

I stepped off the Warp Pad and took in a shuddery breath.

The entirety of the Galaxy Warp was laid out in front of me, in all of it’s destroyed, dilapidated manor. Rubble and pillars laid strewn across the ground, Warp Pads laid shattered and fractured, all the while ocean waves crashed heavily against the Spire ground.

_It was… exactly the way I left it._

I took a hesitant first step off the Warp Pad, the metal Enhancer clanking against the ground.

_“Peridot, just… Let’s go home. We can find a work around, you don’t have t-”_

“There is no work around, Lapis. I have to do this.” I said, interrupting the hallucination.

She quieted down and stayed in place on the Warp Pad. I kept going forward, taking slow steps toward the edge of the Galaxy Warp.

Each second I stayed at that place made it feel like the air was getting heavier and heavier. I tried to keep my eyes pressed to the horizon, tried to ignore looking down at the rubble, ignore looking at the one spot on this place I knew would undo me.

I was almost to the edge, just a few more steps an-

**_“God, almost feels like home, doesn’t it?”_ **

No, not him. Not now, please.

I froze in place as I heard footsteps approaching behind me.

**_“You’re really going through with this, huh Pipsqueak? The whole nine yards, full scientific pursuit. Didn’t think it was still in ya.”_ **

"Can you just leave me alone?" I said through gritted teeth, shutting my eyes instinctively.

**_"Aww, and here I thought you enjoyed our little conversations? Well, don't matter. I'm not going anywhere."_ **

"Joy." I said sarcastically.

**_"Hey, but I gotta thank you for the sightseeing tour! I think that pillar was the one you threw me into, aaaannnd that crater is where is slammed you into the ground…"_ **

"Shut. Up."

**_"Wait, I recognize that spot! That's the spot where poor little Lappy shatte-"_ **

"SHUT UP!" I screamed as loud as I could, opening my eyes to look for the taunting illusion.

 ** _"Oh, Pipsqueak. No hard feelings, right? Can't hold it against me. I wasn't in my best…. State of mind?"_** The hallucination snickered from atop the one undamaged pillar, sitting atop it.

"I… ugh, I don't have time for this." I chose to ignore the hallucination and finally reached the edge of the Galaxy Warp.

I looked over the edge at the crashing waves. The ocean before rocked violently as the sky seemed clouded.

The ocean… seemed so much more violent recently.

I used my Enhancers to see if I could scan the ocean floor and figure out where my old tech was. I shot a beam of light at the surface, moving slowly over it to gather data.

**_"It won't work, you know. The whole experiment. It'll fail like all the others have."_ **

"You don't know that. No one does. That's why I have to be sure for myself."

**_"Heh… you know, you kinda remind me of myself: Hopelessly optimistic and unbearably naive."_ **

And with that, it went silent.

I turned my head to see what had happened, and saw that both hallucinations had disappeared. I was… alone.

"It… It doesn't matter. Lapis will reappear later. She said she would try to. She'll… she'll come back." I said nervously.

A slight ding alerted me that the scanning had finished. A holographic screen appeared from my hand, showing me a small map of the ocean floor, as well as a possible location for the old tech.

I shut off the hologram for a moment to look back down at the sea. The dark waves made what lied underneath seem bottomless… abysmal.

I took a deep breath to steady my nerves before counting backwards from three.

3…

2…

1…

With one step, I felt myself fall off the front of the Galaxy Warp and fall straight into the violent ocean.

The first thing I felt after breaching the surface as cold. Freezing, smothering cold that got colder and colder as I sank deeper and deeper into the ocean.

The next thing I felt was pressure.

Peridots were built tough, but even I felt pain as the weight of the ocean rested on my entire body. My eyes remained shut until I felt my feet touch the bottom of the rocky floor.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw… nothing.

Which was to be expected, I am underneath the ocean.

Using the light from my gem, I lit up the surrounding area. I could see many different types of ocean life, including different types of fish varying slightly in color. Rocks and coral lined the floor, laying out the landscape. All these things I expected.

What I didn't expect was the wreckage.

Stuck in the rocks, resting on the ocean floor, even becoming part of the landscape itself, thousands of chunks from the ancient colony dropships lined the ocean floor, which did not show up on my preliminary scan. They effectively changed the entire layout of the abyss.

They must've been left over from the war, after Homeworld evacuated the planet...

Focus Peridot. You didn't come here to 'sight-see', you have a mission here.

Pulling up the holographic map, I began to trudge my way towards the old tech.

The light from my gem provided some help for visuals, but not much. It was still mainly dark underneath the waves, not aiding the fact that most of the passageways displayed on the map were blocked by the old wreckage. I used the anti-grav technology in my feet Enhancers to lift myself over most of the wreckage, and squeezed my body through the rest.

It took me quite a while, but I finally found them.

The old Limb Enhancers were stuck in the muddy ground, covered in some sort of aquatic plant life and barnacles. I bent down and wrapped my hand around the arm piece that held the data core and pulled. At first, it wouldn’t budge, but after using both hands and a little more force the piece in question finally came loose.

I held it in my hands as I looked down to it. Finally, progress was being made.

I turned to prepare to walk back when it seemed… like the ground was beginning to shake.

I rapidly turned my head to try and figure out what was causing the sudden vibrations. My eyes frantically searched for the origin, but somehow couldn’t find it.

Then, I looked down.

I watched as the ground shifted and cracked, chunks of it falling into what I could only assume was an oceanic cavern. I moved quickly enough to use my anti-grav tech to fly away quickly. However, the rapid movement of the rocks and wreckage caused a shockwave of water to hit, flinging me all the way back towards the Galaxy Warp and slamming against the wall with a thump.

I gave a watery groan and turned around to start climbing the spire using the metal of my Limb Enhancer hands. I eventually breached the surface of the ocean again, sputtering and coughing for a moment as I pushed what little water had entered my system. I proceeded to keep climbing up the rest of the way and finally reaching the top of the Galaxy Warp.

I turned on my back and laid down, still holding the old LE arm in my hand. I was silently thanking the stars that my new Limb Enhancers kept a seal on my wounded hand. I can’t imagine the pain that my hand would’ve felt.

I just laid there for a while, trying to recuperate some of my energy, all while staring up at the night sky. For once, there was a bit of quiet. No voices in my head, no people checking up on me. Just the sound of the ocean and myself.

Of course, I couldn’t stay like that forever. I eventually felt ready enough to pull myself up and got to my feet. I grabbed the old LE arm using both hands and pried back a panel on the side. Thankfully, the insides were still completely dry, and I immediately saw the intact data core. I reached inside and pulled it on, the cartridge coming loose with a ‘shck’.

I dropped the remained of the old arm and held the Data Core in my one of my hands. The other one was able to float around and remove a panel from the free hand arm Enhancer. I placed the Data Core into an empty slot and returned the panel to its spot.

 _“Did you find it?”_ Came a voice from behind me.

I got startled for a slight second before regaining composure. “Yes, I did. The core seems to be fully functional and I’ll be able to fully continue my research when we get back,” I explained, opening up a holographic screen to check up on the software of the tech.

The imitation came up behind me and placed an arm on my shoulder. _“Are you okay?”_

“Yes, just a bit of bruising at most.” _  
_

_“That’s… not what I meant.”_

I took a deep breath before turning my head to face her, my face dead set serious.

“I’m fine. We should head back.”

The imitation nodded and we both started walking back to the functioning Warp Pad.

We were almost to it before my eyes fell on a very specific spot on the Galaxy Warp. An empty spot of it, devoid of rubble and debris but still ruined and stained by something else. My breath caught in throat as I forced my eyes shut, quickly hurrying over to the Warp Pad.

_“Peridot, wha-”_

“Let’s just go. I don’t wanna be here anymore.” I answered in a strained voice.

_“O-Okay. Let’s head back.”_

Before my mind concentrated on warping back, one thought passed through my head, reverberating for the brief moment it was in there.

_It was my fault… But I’ll fix it. I promise, Lapis, I’ll fix it._


End file.
